photography, priorities out of focus

this post is rated R for language.

i’ve been in a terrible state the last couple of days. i’m angry. i’m depressed. i’m sad. i’m angry.

i’m mad as hell because it is not a matter of opinion whether we can significantly decrease gun violence and massacres. it is fact. <– link

i am more angry about this than i’ve ever been about anything. last night, i tweeted in all sincerity:

i can’t handle the bullshit over the shootings. people goddamn fucking died. tiny children died. fuck EVERYONE who defends that.

and i absolutely do mean everyone. i don’t care who you are or how long i’ve known you. FUCK YOU if you dare defend this. fucking fuck you.

i’m not sure if this says something bad about me. i’m not sure if it makes me hypocritical in ways i can’t reconcile within myself. i’m not sure if i care. i am genuinely willing to lose even the closest of friends and what little family i have, because i have no room in my heart for people who accept the bullshit propaganda of the human-killing-device (gun) industry that since we can’t eliminate gun crimes 100%, the best thing to do is buy yourself another gun “for protection” and hope you never become a target.

here’s the truth about that “buy more guns for protection” theory: if only the first victim, adam lanza’s mother, had been a gun owner, she could have stopped this before it started OH WAIT SEE HOW THAT THEORY FALLS APART?

this is not a matter of opinion.

i find myself doing something i advocate against: hating people. i hate people who say guns don’t kill people. yes, they do, you despicable, tired aphorism-spouting human pieces of shit. guns were invented for killing people. guns are the tools people who kill people use to kill lots and lots of people. with ease. with astonishing efficiency. if you don’t think guns kill people, go shoot yourself in the head with a loaded gun and then we’ll talk. except we won’t. you’ll be dead. from a gun. just like the twenty-seven people in newtown.

i’m angry at christians and others who think they’re doing anything by praying. pray if you must, but don’t let that be all you do. don’t console yourself that your prayers are changing anything or helping anyone besides yourself. prayers do nothing but comfort you (which is important in times like this; we all need a way to comfort and calm ourselves, whether it’s through prayer or meditation or some other routine). but i do not respect people who pacify themselves with the apathetic notion that their prayers are a way of taking action. it’s not. act. do things. if nothing else, speak out, because silence only feeds the beast. silence allows this to keep happening. silence is dangerous; complicit; a killer. silence is not honorable to ourselves or the victims and their families.

i hate people who say the massacres keep happening because we don’t force christianity on our kids in their schools anymore (pray in school). if that’s the god you believe in, there are really no words in any language to describe how sick that god is and how sick you are for believing in him, glorifying him, worshipping him. i can be okay with people believing in god, but i can never be okay with people believing in that kind of a god. you have the right to believe in him but i do not and will not respect that belief. you are the same kind of person like my christian friends in college who looked at the same tv screen i was looking at, showing precious people stranded and dying in the aftermath of katrina, and said with hatred in their hardened hearts, “well, that’s what they get for being such a sinful city.” fuck the “god” that makes people think that way.

i am angry. 

we need better gun laws. we need better health care. this is not a right wing/left wing issue. this is not a debate. no one’s ability to access weapons of mass destruction should be valued higher than, or come at the price of, the lives of civilians and especially not the most innocent among us.

the constitution of the united states once allowed for the right to own, buy, and sell human beings. we amended that, because it was the right thing to do, no matter what the constitution originally said. we’ll amend this too, for the same reason.

i am angry. i feel more deeply than most; a blessing and curse of asperger syndrome. i feel with more intensity than most people can comprehend. i have been ill and paralyzed these last two days with enough emotion and conviction for ten people. the suffering of the world affects me deeply, as it does many with asperger’s. i am not okay. i do not want to be okay. i do not apologize for my anger. i do not apologize for the words i’ve spoken in my anger, because i mean them even in my calm. i do not care about diplomacy in this matter. i do not care about hurting someone’s ego. those things are petty and irrelevant, because people have died and more people are going to die in the same way.

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