fiery skull diaries

hi.

i’ve been pretty low this week, with a steep drop off yesterday. why do i drive a truck for a living? no, why do i STILL drive a truck for a living? what am i doing with my life? why do i feel so stuck? why am i in reality so stuck? where do i see myself in three years (when i turn 40)?

i feel very isolated. i AM physically isolated, in the truck, on the road. the nature of the job is drive, sleep, repeat. the absolute most i ever know how far in advance i’ll be is four days ahead, but i often don’t know where i’ll be tomorrow. or even later the same day. that’s just the nature of the job and how trips are assigned (a “trip” is the journey between shipper to consignee, usually). it’s adventurous. as it pertains to the job and my day-to-day life on the road, it doesn’t bother me. but it makes me feel more isolated from people because they don’t understand that that’s the way it works.

i’m tired. i want to quit this. i want to go home. i want to go hit the slopes, learn to snowboard. i want to throw myself into the next stage of my life. this was only ever supposed to be a bridge. i wasn’t supposed to get good at it. comfortable in it. six years in it. stuck.